Tough to Explain...

Something nice happened and I was glad. I was happy. It lasted for just a split second. And then....guilt set in.

I had chanced upon this fabulous campsite. I was directly on the St. Albans River, under a tree, with electric, and had delightful neighbors. All this for the low, low price of...free! Really!

So I set up my campsite and faced my chair towards the river. The sun was warm and bright, there was a soft breeze and I was about to sit back, relax and enjoy.

But then, boom! How dare I enjoy this lovely place while Wiggy is not here with me? How can I possibly feel good when she is not here? She would be so happy here, she would like

it so much...it is no good without her!

Crazy, right? I know I am being ridiculous, of course I should enjoy all that is enjoyable. Yet still....

There is a part of me that feels I am betraying her. A part of me that says I must not have loved her enough if I can be happy, or even content, without her. A part of me that is wracked with guilt.

So I sat in my chair overlooking the River. I watched the boats go by. I thought of the fun times with Wigz and I contemplated my future without her. I let my emotions run amok, up and down, good then bad, and I sat through it all.

When the sun went down I packed up my chair and went inside. Drained, I lay down, shut my eyes and fell asleep.